?

Log in

Thu, Feb. 21st, 2008, 07:45 pm

I keep meaning to update. But my life has just been too damn busy. But I swear I'll find time soon.

Fri, Jan. 18th, 2008, 09:40 pm

     Okay, I need a bit of a vent. I'm frustrated and having major where-is-my-life-going troubles. I have just finished the first semester of my last year in highschool, and I should be happy. I'm half-way there. But now, I'm just terrified. How did we get from the beginning of the year dragging to looking back and saying "Holy shit that was fast...". Looking back, I'm sort of amazed that I made it through and that I did it all by myself, passing with decent grades, little drama, and a good reputation among the teachers. It's amazing how much I actually have accomplished this year. I've been a good student, I recieved student of the month, I've passed classes I thought I would never be able to, I've been very much involved with my activities, I help teach Kindergarten after school, and they love me, and I love them, and family life has been good, although stressful. So, what am I complaining about, right? I'm scared out of my mind.
     As much as I complain about highschool, I'm so scared to leave. This place is everything I know. It's such a small town, and I've been here for nine years. I know where EVERYTHING IS. I know my highschool like I know my own bedroom. I'm kind of scared of losing the familiarity I feel everyday. I have a routine. It's the same every day and I know how it goes. I know where every teacher is and when. I know how to get what I want without flirting with the teachers or showing too much clevage. I have pretty good relationships with the teachers.  It's just weird to be leaving, because I have to build that all up again. I've been accepted to and will be attending Clarion University, and I'm actually really excited about it, even though I'm terrified. I just keep thinking what if I can't get along with my room mate or whatever, or have as much trouble making friends there as I did here? I really have gone through my highschool career with very few GOOD friends that I could talk to. It's just kind of nerve-wracking. 
      As weird as this sounds, I'm also kind of scared of how my family will function without me being here. I'm the one who keeps up with cleaning the kitchen, doing the dishes, generally cleaning the rest of the house, making sure everybody is up and ready in the morning when they need to be, helping my sister with my nephew and niece, making sure my little sister can go out and have fun without getting in trouble, providing what little money I have when it's needed. I don't know. I'm kind of nervous that they still need me. But it is time for me to become independent.
      I'm also really worried right now. My niece has been really sick lately. She throws up constantly. She's less than a month old. She had to go to Childrens Hospital today, and they've been there since about 5:30. It's now ten, and there's pretty much a very slim chance that they'll be seen before 3:00 in the morning. She's most likely going to have to get surgery. She's lost weight since birth.She was 6 pounds, and she's almost down to four pounds. I don't know what's going to happen from here, but she's really tiny to be getting surgery, and her doctor is very worried about how it will result. In the meantime, I'll be babysitting my nephew non-stop. The one year old who's hit his terrible two's a little early. The kid who doesn't sleep. This will be fun.  I love him, but he drives me crazy. But I wouldn't have it any other way. He's fun.I will miss him mucho when I go off to college.
     Another thing really frustrating me is my dads side of the family. My dad included. We've started calling him Don lately. He really doesn't deserve the title of father. Dad. Daddy. He doesn't deserve them. He hasn't been a father to us. He doesn't care about this college stuff. He doesn't even know [or care] where I'm going or what I'm going for. He told me that he doesn't even think that I have chances of getting into a technical school. Um, good thing I got accepted to four different colleges, waitlisted from another, and many financial aid and scholarship opportunities?  He's been calling his wifes kids his daughters lately. We were in the supermarket the other day and saw a friend from work. He introduced Megan and Lauren as his daughters. He did not introduce me. And I don't really care anymore. I have my mom, and she's amazing. He doesn't matter anymore. He let me down so much when I was little. He can deal with me letting him down now.

Sorry this was so long .Thanks to anybody who actually read it. 
And Chrisisaneenjuh, this is dinofaceeee from greatestjournal. I'm not just some random that added you haha.

Sun, Jan. 13th, 2008, 10:12 pm

Dear Pasha,
 You never cease to make me melt. You never cease to hurt me, either. I guess they cancel eachother out, huh? We gave it our best shot, I got fed up, and I guess it's time for both of us to move on, even though I'm still desperately in love with you. I just can't continue to put up with the stuff you put me through.


I have a tendancy to write letters that I'll never send in my journals. It helps me get things off my mind that much longer.

Sun, Jan. 13th, 2008, 12:54 pm

So, greatestjournal has definately seemed to have tanked, but moving to livejournal is change, and change is good.  I really don't have any friends on here yet, but I hope to get some soon. Life lately has definately been insane and interesting, upsetting and all-out disaster. It's a mix, I guess. The way life usually is. Since I haven't updated my greatestjournal in absolutely forever, I'm going to start with my birthday and work my way up to the present.
       So, my birthday. December 29th. Insane. It started out quiet, with just my family. Then a friend of mine asked if I would like to go out with him and our other friend, Johnny, for coffee and to discuss literature. I was all for it. Coffee and literature with Johnny and David? What could be better!? I love Johnny and never get to see him, and anytime you go out with David is an adventure. After we left the coffee place, David made to take us home, but upon remembering that Johnny was in the car, he asked if he wanted to go to a club. I had completely tuned out at this point, and I am assuming this was the point that David told Johnny who all was going. I only heard "Ugh, I can not STAND her." I assumed that they had moved onto different topics. Upon remembering that I was now 18, David excitedly asked me if I would go to a club with him. I grudgingly said yes, because I really just wanted to go home and play with my nephew.But we end up picking up a girl that I can NOT stand. The same one Johnny hates. And then we picked up her friend and went to the club. Upon entering, I looked around and noticed that guys were touching eachother. And girls were touching eachother. But there were no boys touching girls and vice versa. He had taken me to a gay club. Holy god save my soul. Now, I am not gay, nor do I have anything against anybody who is, but I was like, mortified. It was insane. I was there four like six hours, and I was very disgruntled. 
     After that exciting event, I have vowed to check into which club we're going to before I go. David and I continue to go and get coffee about two or three times a week though. Other than that, nothing too exciting has happened. I've been accepted to Waynesburg and Clarion, and I'm waiting to find out if I've been accepted to Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Getting accepted to colleges is really cool, but scary. I'm always saying I'm ready to graduate, but being out on my own will definately be different. Especially seeing as how it took me years to make friends when I moved here.  
     Well, I think that's it for today. I barely have any friends to read this anyways, haha.